Song choice: Soundtrack to my life
I think this song really speaks to me.. I feel like I can connect and relate to a lot of kid cudis songs. They have a lot of meaning and it just talks about what he is going through and how life is hard but you should never give up. There may be some bumps in the road but you can never let it affect you.
“On Christmas time, my mom Christmas grind. Got me most of what I wanted, how’d you do it mom, huh?”
Growing up, my parents always tried to give me whatever I wanted. A little part of me knew, even though I was young at the time.. that they didn’t really have the money. Money was always an issue with us and still is. But they always managed to make ends meet. They always got me the coolest gear.. clothing and newest releases of CDs. I was always in check with the latest equipment. They made sure that growing up, I wasn’t always asking but earning. I worked for what I wanted, I did things around the house and I was rewarded. I wouldn’t say that was a bad thing, because that’s how it is when you’re grown up. You work for money to get the things you need. My parents always worked for what they wanted, and I grew up with the mentality of ‘work for what you want’ and I’m grateful for that.
“But they all didn’t see, the little bit of sadness in me”
When I was just six, one of my parents were diagnosed with cancer. Although, I was six anI didn’t know what was going on, I knew that something with my parent was wrong. We were in the hospital every weekend .. we were in an out of clinics and I watched my parent get needles on needles on needles. I always kept a straight face trying to be strong for parents. They always told me everything is gonna be fine and not to worry. But this line that Scott says, relates to me on such a level. They didn’t see the sadness in me, but it was there. It was there when they were diagnosed, it was there when we frequently visited the doctors office, it was there when they continuously put needles in their arm, it was there when their hair started to fall off.. and it was clearly there the day they died. Current time, I try to keep a brave face on. I am going through a break up and while everyone says its okay to be a little sad.. I often say “nah I’m good, don’t worry”. I always appear to be happy but genuinely I’m sad and distraught inside. I have so many friends I can open up to and discuss my feelings, but I just decide not to.
“I’ve got some issues that nobody can see and all of these emotions are pouring out of me”
I’ve got so many issues as well Scott. I have no other outlet to express my feelings because I feel like I’m going to be judged so hard. This is why I started this blog, so that I can express my feelings this way. Nobody can see my issues because I choose not to express them to others.
“The moon will illuminate my room and soon I’ll be consumed by my doom”
I am not always a night person, I am usually a morning person but whenever I have soo many thoughts in my head, I become a night owl. I wait and stare up on my ceiling until the moon is high and bright. I love it when it natural light is shown through my windows, I feel like that is when I think a lot – overthink a lot. I think about my life and how its been or going.. I think about my friends, the money I’m making, the hard job that I am being under paid for, my family, the vacations I wanna take, the bills I’m trying to pay, wondering if my car was a good idea to buy, when to pay my OSAP, when I’ll be finished paying my OSAP… so many things run through my head. I feel like all these thoughts led me to be ‘consumed by my doom’.
“My heart’s an open sore that I hope heals soon”
I recently got out of a long term relationship in which I was invested in since I was 13. Almost 1 year since we broke up, I feel like my heart is still broken and I sure hope heals soon. I know that it will take time but I sure believe that I will never be completely over him. He will forever be a part of my heart even though we no longer talk. It sucks. I wish we were still friends, we spent a good chunk of our lives together and to be apart and to just try to ‘forget’ this friendship is sad. I sure hope I find someone with the same issues that we can heal together.
“I am happy, that’s just the saddest lie”
Unlike Kid Cudi, he clearly tells us, his family and listeners that he is not happy. But for me, that is the opposite. I hardly express my genuine feelings and often hide behind this smile. I hide behind snapchat filters and fake laughs. It’s hard to feel happy when there are so many problems and issues I face. I try not to let it get to me all the time, but saying I’m happy really and truly is the saddest lie.
and this is .. the soundtrack to my life.
I’m out – xox